Horse songs

So I like to sing to my horses, they like the consistency and repetition... even if they don't like my voice. I can't sing and won't pretend that I can. The Boy- who actually can sing- firmly believes that I secretly can and just refuse to. This is because I have never sang (sung?) around him, and I don't ever intend to. His little sister can also sing and is studying to become an opera singer.  I lip sync when I go to their house and everyone starts singing. It's a family event. My own family... well, let's just say that we are not a musically blessed people.

  In fact, if my horses start getting nervous I threaten to sing to them if they don't stop it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. So what do I sing to them you ask? Lullaby's, catchy songs, nursery rhymes, and these.

Here's my favorite one:

(To the tune of- Oh Lord Wont You Buy Me)

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a horsey that bends.
My friends all ride warmbloods, I must make amends.
I practice my leg yields, each evenin 'til ten.
So, oh Lord, won't you buy me a horsey that bends.

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a horse that won't buck
I'm tired of trying to land standing up.
I spend all my time, brushing dirt off my butt.
So oh Lord, won't you buy me a horse that won't buck.

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a horse that won't bite.
I count all my fingers and toes every night.
I feel like a carrot, when I'm in his sight.
So oh Lord, won't you buy me a horse that won't bite.

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a horse with a brain.
Mine is scared of his own shadow, it's driving me insane.
I ask him to do things, but he forgets his own name
So oh Lord, won't you buy me a horse with a brain.

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a horse that stays clean.
I brush him, I groom him, I've considered chlorine.
His color's too chestnut for a horse with grey genes.
So oh Lord, won't you buy me a horse that stays clean.

Oh Lord, won't you give him some hindquarter drive.
This horse is so lazy, I'm not sure he's alive.
We bend and we circle, 'til way, way past five.
So oh Lord, won't you give him some hindquarter drive.

My additional verse:
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a clicker trained horse?
I'm tired of fightin', it's just the worst!
I'm on a first name basis with the hospital nurse.
So oh Lord, won't you buy me a clicker trained horse?

Gaited horse song:
Everything you can do we can do smoother!
We can do everything smoother than you.
Any cue you can do, we can do softer,
We can do everything softer than you!
Any gait you can trot, I can trot faster!
We can gait anywhere faster than you.
Any way you can bond, we can bond tighter
We will always bond better than you.
Anything you can learn we can learn quicker
We can learn anything quicker than you!


TB song:
Anything you can jump we can jump higher!
We can jump everything higher than you.
Anything you can do we can do faster,
We can go everywhere faster than you.
Any move you can do we can do better
We can do everything more collected than you!


Arabian:
Anything you can do we can do longer,
We will always last longer than you.
Anywhere you can go we can go better
We have gone everywhere way before you.
Any age you can live we can live longer
We will always be older than you.

Any the fugly horse of the day song, which I can't remember and it's driving me crazy! It's the one about crazy color breeders.. If anyone recalls it let me know! Or if anyone has any more good ones, let me know!

Hey! I found it! Awesome.

Do you like a colored horse?
Of course I like a colored horse!
I like it with a great big head!
I like it better gold than red!
I like it with a neck that’s short!
I like the most post-legged sort!
I like it with a fluffy tail!
We’ll look so pretty down the trail!
Do you want a horse with some panache?
Better bring a lot of cash!
I like it fat, I like it bony!
I like it if it’s just a pony!
Crooked legs? I do not care!
As long as it’s got lots of hair!
I like it short as well as tall!
I like it with no hip at all!
Camped out hocks? No cause for gripes,
Just focus on the tiger stripes!
I like it with a neck that’s stumpy
And withers that are really lumpy
I like it with a pie-shaped head
If it’s got spots, it should be bred!
Got babies now, all set to go!
Got to sell before the snow!
Bring your trailer, don’t delay!
(I need the money to buy hay)
Three in one, what a steal!
Don’t miss out on this great deal!
Come and buy, if you fail
I’ll have to take them to the sale
The market’s bad, no one’s buying
It’s not my fault if they wind up dying
Anyway, never fear…
Got twelve more foals on the way next year!

Also holy shit, I apparently did write down stories when I was trail guiding and actually have a 16 page file of them that I just found. So be prepared for more of the stories that might actually be relevant to my name!