Never catcall a horse girl

So I haven't been able to think up anything to write about for a while, as illustrated by the lack of posts, so if you think of something let me know. In the mean time you're going to be subjected to a mini rant on sexism and catcalling because I just read a hilarious post. I promise I'll try to stick to the horse related incidents.

I was reading this, and if you want a laugh you should too:  http://groupthink.jezebel.com/great-comebacks-to-sexist-comments-1478737819/@burtreynoldsismyspiritguide1?utm_campaign=socialflow_jezebel_facebook&utm_source=jezebel_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

But while you shouldn't catcall a women ever, you really shouldn't catcall a horse girl. We don't take shit from thousand pound animals and we sure aren't going to take it from you!

I was once out hitting the trails with a friend when we decided to go down by the lake to let the horse drink. I'd been there many, many times and never had an issue. Until that day. On that particular day there was a guy there with some beers, alone, practicing sword fighting. I kid you not, he had a freaking sword. Naturally I wanted the hell out of there but it was too late. He'd spotted us and asked if he could pet the horses. I'm much less trusting than my friend but he was already walking towards us. If it hadn't been for the sword it wouldn't have been a huge deal, but that was just weird. So I made my snorty, very energetic horse start dancing in place and even got her to half rear a little when he came too close for my comfort.(I'd been teaching her some tricks) So I just yelled:"Sorry but my horse really doesn't like men, you should probably stay back!" All while pretending to barely be able to control my horse while actually cuing her.

Basically this. (It was when I was considering joining a jousting troupe- I thought she'd be perfect)

His eyes went wide and he backed right up muttering about dangerous horses and he told me something like I should be careful on that beast. I just assured him I'd try and we rode off, my horse snorting and prancing all the way until we were out of sight. (She was an extremely proud horse). 

Another time at the same trail riding spot, I got cat called while riding my Friesian cross- "what's a pretty little thing like you doin' out here on that big 'ol horse?" 

My response as I rode away: "Looking like a badass." 

In reality she was the most laid back, 'anyone can ride' horse ever, but she sure *looked* impressive

Back when I was still working as a trail guide I took out a group of rowdy guys. They were a pretty good ride, a little too 'yee haw!' for their riding abilities, but they were good natured and joking around for the whole hour. At least until we got back to base. 

When I asked if they had fun on their ride they said: "Yeah! We sure enjoyed watching you bounce around for an hour!" 

(Note: I am a, uh, very well endowed woman and have been since I was about 15.)

Me: "Me bouncing around? (They'd been flopping like dead fish and had asked how I stayed so still in the saddle so I found this doubly insulting. Although I admit, parts of me do bounce no matter what I do...) *Glare* Excuse me?"

My boss was just standing there shaking his head like he wanted no part of where this was going.

Apparently the group of guys though my death glare was joking, it wasn't, because the next thing I know they're holding up a twenty. 

Guys: "I'll give you a twenty if you dump that bucket of water over your head! (This was the first and last time I ever wore a white shirt to work...It wasn't even remotely tight either!) 

Me *taking the money- and watching their faces light up in disbelief*: "Yeah, I think you're going to give me that, now, so I don't hog tie you and drag you behind my horse for making inappropriate comments." 

They looked at my boss like they couldn't believe I could say and do that to a customer and he just looked at them, laughed and said: "I think you boys should probably just give her that and get in your car before you make her any more annoyed..." 

Unfortunately for them I was a whole lot more valuable to the business than their patronage was so I was never worried about being fired. After all, who else would clean up the horse area, take care of wounds, and train the new horses without actually being paid for it?  (Trail guides get paid per ride, not per hour or per customer, per ride. If they're lucky, they get a set amount for catching, grooming and tacking up the horses.)l

My boss was shocked when I started mucking out the standing area. Apparently no one else had ever done that before. I just pointed out how bad it was for the horses to stand in manure all day and there was no reason they should be uncomfortable just because I didn't get paid to do it.  

When I started there I was told the grandson of the man who owned the property we leased would probably try to harass me. He did the last girl they hired. He parked his four wheeler in a narrow spot on the trail, blocking her and her ride. She just stopped and glared at him until he finally moved away. He didn't bother her as much after that.

I was not that nice. The first time he came around, I was un-tacking the horses and getting ready to lead them back to the pasture- a decent walk. He came around swaggering and yapping his mouth. Since I was working it wasn't appreciated. I told him if he was going to be standing around I was going to put him to work. He replied with a variation of 'yeah right'. So I marched right up to him and told him that he had better get off the damn property now, and not come back, or he'd better make himself useful. That combined with my glare was enough to make him take two horses down to pasture for me. 

I'd like to say that he left me alone after that but he didn't. The worst time was when I had a ride with little kids and he and had friends thought it would hilarious to shoot bottle rockets at me and my ride. I didn't find that so hilarious. I calmly turned and asked an adult to please dismount and hold the front horse because I had to go talk to them. Then I turned my horse around and barreled after the little brats (the look on their face was priceless) when I got up to them, I told them if they ever tried anything like that again, they would deeply regret it. I think I probably threatened their 'masculinity' or something... The head kid said I couldn't tell him what to do since it was his grandfathers property.

 I grinned down at him and said: "Yep. Your grandfathers, not yours. Which reminds me, when I get back in a half hour I'm going to find him and have a little chat about your behavior."

Then came the pale faces and pleading for me not to do that. Which just made me grin more as I turned and trotted after my ride. 

After that incident, and after the talking to his grandpa gave him, he avoiding me as much as possible which was just fine by me.

Not catcalling, but equally annoying to me are people that honk their horns if you're riding by the street. I hate it. I see your car, I'll wave to you, but if you honk at me and spook my horse I'm going to flip you off.

I get it, riders are a novel sight in some places, and you want to wave to me or something. That's cool, but I could be riding a horse that doesn't like cars or is scared of the horn for all they know.  I know flipping them off isn't very nice but it happened so often it drove me nuts. Also a good half the people would intentionally try and spook my horse. Assholes. 

(When I lived in Indiana the only places to ride were corn fields, soybean fields, and the big ditches along the roads. Since everything was flat it was actually pretty nice. Plenty of room away from the road. Where I live now riding anywhere near the road is nerve racking since no one will slow down and hardly anyone gives you room. Which is why I don't ride near the roads here.) 

But the thing I hate the very most is getting harassed at the auctions. 

Here are some of the top moments:

Creepy, fat, older guy: "Hey sugar, why don't you come sit by me?"

Me: *Glare*

CFOG: "Aw, come on now don't be like that. I tell you what, you come sit by me and I might just buy you a pony!" (I swear to God, these were his exact words.) 

This was too much for me and I finally turned to him and said: "Look, if I want a horse, I will buy it myself, with my money- which I probably have more of than you do by the looks of you. In addition, I doubt your equine picking assessment is up to par with mine, so no, you cannot buy me a 'pony'. Finally, would you please shut the hell up so I can watch the damn auction?!" 

Another great time was when I was at the conway sale on the catwalk- the only way to view the horses- and I had just come from class since the sale was at a stupid time- noon on tuesdays. So I was in my 'nice people clothes'. I was clearly examining the horses when a couple guys came up to me and insultingly asked if I was lost or something. Clearly insinuating that they thought I should be shopping or something. 

So I put on my most confused expression and my best 'dumb blonde voice' and replied: "Oh my God! You mean this isn't the mall?! But I was looking for the shoe sale- while looking over the horses, at the auction, on sale day.... " 

Then I snickered, rolled my eyes and went back to examining the horses. 

When I do buy a horse I almost always run into a group of young guys who think they're gods gift to cowboys and horses- even if they clearly have no idea how to ride besides pulling and kicking and spurring. One guy even admitted his idea of breaking a horse consisted of riding them until they stopped bucking. He looked intrigued when I told him my way was to avoid the bucking in the first place by proper training and getting them used to things. 

Random guy: "So did you buy a horse today or are you just looking?"

Me: "Actually I bought that one *points* and I'm looking her over now..."

Guy: "Well, I can break her for you if you want."

Me: "Actually I train them."

Guy: "Really?!" 

Me: "Yes. That's what I do."

Guy: "Well if you need someone to break her, you just let me know!"

Me: "I think she's been 'broken' though already thanks."

I don't think he got it.

Which is why the next time this happened- with one of the obnoxious kids who 'ride' the horses through the arena did the same thing I got a little sassier. 

Guy: Hey, I saw you bought a horse."

Me: "Yep."

Guy: *invading my personal bubble* "Well I can break him for you!"

Me: *backing away*  "I don't doubt that. You guys break them, I fix them." 

Thankfully, most of the older traders there and the regulars know me and know I'm not just there looking for a pretty pony with flashy colors to take home and snuggle. Since they figured that out they've helped keep some of  the idiots away.

Anyway, now that that's out of my system, what about you oh readers and lurkers? What experiences have to had with sexism and  rude suggestions?

I know most of you have heard the whole: "Oh so you ride? Yeah, you must like leather and whips huh?!" line before. 

Okay, one last story before  I sign off.

I was at the fair at an incense stand buying a vial of essential oils for burning- and  I found a leather scented one. It actually smelled just like nice clean leather! When I got up to the cashier he gave me a lewd look and said: "Leather huh? I bet I know why you want that..."

Me: *happily* "Mmhhmm! It smells just like a tack shop!" 

His expression fell pretty quick after that.