Petting versus patting

I've noticed this a lot when I watch people interact with their horse. They so often 'pat' their horse instead of petting them, stroking them. I have found very few horses who actually enjoy being patted, most accept it with the kind of look you might give your great aunt if she pinched your cheek and said how cute you are. You tolerate it and put on a smile, but you're doing this for their benefit.

I've seen more horses tolerate petting for the sake of their rider than I'd care to. Now I can understand the desirability of patting, I enjoy the sound and the feeling, but I very rarely do it, because to a horse, it isn't the reward we intend it to be. A calm stroking motion, especially in the places another horse would mutually groom, is a much better reward.

This horse says: I enjoy this and find it calming. 

I've tried telling people that their horses body language says that they were not enjoying being pat, only to have owners say that no, their horse loved being pat! He really enjoys it! While the horse is screaming- I don't find this soothing, reassuring or pleasant. I have seen very few horses who disliked a soothing stoking motion and didn't begin to relax. (There are all kinds of insights with this in the T-Touch training method) In general, while they can and do learn that the patting is supposed to be a reward over time, they seem to find it irritating. Every horse is different; for example one of my horses adores having his forehead scratched and pet, and another intensely dislikes it. She'll tolerate it- IF she has to. But she lets you know, by turning her face away, that she prefers having her neck rubbed. I have found that quite a few horses do dislike having their face rubbed or pet by a stranger.

This horse says: I enjoy this. I feel safe here. 

This horse says:  I probably would not be here if you weren't holding the reins, I'm tolerating this because I've been told to. Please try something different. 

When it comes down to it, we don't care for people to get right up in our face and space before getting to know them (or even after really) so why would our horses? It's also kind of a dismissive gesture- usually done when we're around other people. To me is says: "I don't have time to pay attention to what you like and prefer, I'm focusing on other things this is cool too right?"  I don't see the patting as often when people are alone with their horses. It's interesting

In reality, the pat is a rather aggressive move on our part, it's the action of a predator, and it isn't something one horse would do to another in friendship. In fact, even the motion and sound of a pat isn't reassuring to a scared or nervous horse. I mean, does anybody actually enjoy getting a pat on the back? Really?

So why do so many people do it? How can they not see that many horses are not getting the message they're trying to send? It's a lot like giving a horse a kiss on the muzzle or neck, affectionate to us, but an aggressive or playful move if it was coming from another horse. Sure, they can learn that it's a sign of affection and begin to enjoy it. But again, they're doing it for our benefit.

They really do a lot of things for our benefit. Sometimes I think it's amazing that they put up with us, with all our misunderstandings, miscommunications and fumbles. They really are amazing creatures.

Now here's a dose of pretty to brighten your day: