Trail guide: just a little white lie....

Trail guides lie to you. Well, maybe not if you actually know a thing or two about horses, but otherwise just assume they will. If we didn't, people would probably run away from horses screaming about how they were potential death magnets. Lord only knows how all horse people are at least slightly insane. Why else would we risk life and limb for an animal and sport that is both difficult and money consuming?

Since not everyone who comes out to ride for an hour is certifiably crazy we tell them teeny tiny white lies to keep them from screaming. (Screaming riders annoy both the horse and the guide!)

The first lie:

"It's totally safe." (Just ignore the fact that you're on the trail with a thousand pound animal you've never met before and you barely know how to control.)

My first day they put me on a guest horse and I 'shadowed' the guide. On the way back, a way my horse had traveled hundreds of times, a car passed and honked. My horse freaked out and suddenly jumped sideways. Down into the ditch. Which of course freaked her out even more. Luckily, I am not new to the world of spooky horses and it didn't phase me a bit, but if I had been new.....

Helmets were not required for adults.

I'm going to tell you the basics of the introduction speech we said before every ride to prepare people without trying to scare them.

Ahem,

"Keep one horse length apart, if you get closer you could get kicked by accident if the horses bicker and that isn't fun!  *Not that your horses will or you could make them.*

Only put your toes this far into the stirrup (demonstrates) because if for some reason you did fall off you don't want to get drug, it's much better to just take a tumble. I promise.

Please no running the horses. *Especially if you have no idea how to stop them.*

To steer the horses, pull right to go right, left to go left and back to stop."

My personal additions: 

We're going to try and put your horse next to a buddy, but please try to keep them a horse length apart anyway.

If you angle your heels down and your toes up in the stirrup you're going to be safer and your balance will be better. 

If you want to stop or slow your horse pull back on the reins, towards your belly button, in small, short tugs and releases- NOT one long pull. If you pull upward towards your face it will not be as effective. *And you'll look like an idiot. 

If we go to a hill, lean up to go up and back to go down for your balance.

If your horse tries to eat, or when, do not let them. You may think you're being nice but you will spend the rest of the ride trying to get their heads back up and that's going to hurt their mouths. If your horse keeps trying, place the reins over the saddle horn. There is a measured knot to keep it in place.

That's it. Sure we would try to match them up with horses that were suitable. Notice I said *try* if there were too many complete novices....well, someone was getting a semi spunky horse. (Well, spunky for there.) I had a good record, in my year plus of working there and taking out up to seven rides a day, I had 5 people fall off. Ever. 

 One of them was a child who just slipped sideways out of the saddle (he was fine). One was a woman who quite literally bounced out of the saddle when we were trotting. (It was really hard not to laugh, she was also fine. A little bruised maybe, but fine.) One was a incredibly inebriated jerk who thought it would be fun to run his horse... despite never having been on one before. Unsurprisingly, his horse grabbed the bit and took off. He fell off in the field and was, annoyingly, okay. Although he spent the rest of the ride on a lead rope after he tried it AGAIN.

One was a drunk woman who thought my horse was real pretty, despite the sign saying 'do not pet' and decided to climb up on her... while she was still tied to a tree and before she'd signed the waver of liability or paid or anything. My horse did not appreciate her break being interrupted and threw her, stepping on her shoulder.  Despite later needing to go to the hospital and having several pins put in, she actually went on the ride. I don't remember the fifth if there was one. I think it was some drunk college boy. 

Everyone wanted to ride the pretty golden horsey because she was magickal (or something).

Eventually I just started saying: Well, you can try to ride the pretty horse or you can actually have fun on the ride. Your call. 

Anyway, these are still large animals who have bad days. They have personalities (You would be amazed how many people were shocked to hear this and that they couldn't ride the pretty horsey they wanted because she wasn't suitable for their riding level. Horses have feelings and aren't robots?! Say what now!?!

I was going to have a section about the people who would come out and say they wanted to get a horse because they have land and what kind of horse would I suggest/do you have any riding tips? But I just got back from the Macklemore concert (I love my college) and I'm beat so I am going to bed. You all will just have to wait for a follow up!