I get lots of email that requires multiple readings just to understand them, from people 'interested' in buying one of my horses. Which makes me want to put a section in the ad saying 'no stupid people need apply' or 'please use spell check.'
For your bored reading entertainment, here are some of the better, or worse, emails I've gotten and of course, my reaction. Names, dates and locations have been edited for privacy. *- indicates the response I wish I could send, but don't.
1.Buyer: Hello i am interested in the gelding posted above kindly get back if its still available for sale
Me: Yes we still have him, is there anything you wanted to know?
B:Thank you.
Can i know a little more about her and the lowest asking price
When last was it checked up by the doc
whats is the lowest price you can go for me
My plans it, its gonna be my first child, the best care i have not giving my self or my kids , i will give, cos my father had many those days when we where young and he told us many things about horses generally and i will do exactly how he does to his horses cos he took care of them than he did to us, i just wanna have it for my self and its gonna been something my children too have to understand as i understood pets.
I understood pets as my father trained me and see the senses ion them
he even told us they are human being as we are they just came in another shape, its something i have really desire for long.
so its gonna have the best care no one has in my house and if you like, you can come after a yr when i get it and see the best care it has
I have movers i can use, cos i dont want anything to happen to it, i have a company that works for my father in shipping his pets and i trust their service cos they are very careful and they do pets like human being, so no problem,
I am really interested in buying.
I am from Maryland, i have a shipper that takes care of my shipments
i would not mind if i see as much as possible pictures, at least even show my kids our new family member. as i will want it done asap Please get back to me asap.
Regards.
Me: Hello, I do not feel that someone who does not give the best possible care to their children (alleged) before or while still having animals could take the proper care of a horse after it stopped being 'new and shiny'. Therefore we cannot and will not sell you (Horse). Reading your email was extremely difficult as the grammar and spelling make it impossible to comprehend, also you have several conflicting statements; please consider spell check and proofreading in the future. As an Equine Psyche student I feel the need to mention that horses are NOT human beings in different forms. While they unquestionably have distinct personalities, thoughts and souls they do not have the same thinking process as humans. Humans are predators by nature while horses are and will behave as a prey species; everything from their reasoning to their eye sight is separate from our own. The outdated belief that they think and should act as we humans do is the cause of frustration and disharmony between horse and owner; as a (re)trainer I needed to explain this.
Please do not reply back.
This was my real response, is it just me or does that person seem like a hoarder in waiting?
2.
Buyer: Hi! We are intrested in (Horse). We would like to know . If you would meat us West Mem. That would be about half way for us. We are about 165 miles from West Mem. We have ben riding Arb's for 13 years. But he will go to a pro trainner. We are trail riders. Can you send more pictures? Thanks Phyllis
Hi! My husbend and I would like to come and see (Horse) this weekend. If it is ok. I dont know if you got my last message. We are trail riders we are in our 50's we ride on weekends and camp on hollidays. I traided my horse of 13 years to a good friend for a young horse she is 6. My husbends horse is 21 and needs to be retired . If we bye (Horse) He will be my husbends last horse . Thease horse should be with us till we stop riding. Then thay will be paster art. [smile] But we plan on riding till way after we retire. [smile] My husbends old horse will go camping still he will go on short rids (Horse) will go to the best trainer in our area. We have 7 ackers and a nice barn he will have the best that we can give him . We also show at our county shows. Please call me So you can meet us and we can meat (Horse). Thanks
-me; The actual content in this email is really quite nice but the spelling and grammar gets this email a place here.
*thoughts* Meat? Why do you want to meat my horse?! I think not. What the hell is an acker? I'm not going to lie, (Horse) would look pretty epic posing as a holy pastor for some pictures. Secondly, no I will not deliver him. If you cant find a way to come get the horse then dont look outside of your ideal driving range. There's a thing in the search engine that says how far you're willing to travel. I am not going to make deals on the price because you were looking outside of your range and 'fell in love' immediately. Tough. Work it out or dont look.
. B: Please call so we can speak more about the horse
me: *No email included. FAIL!
.B: Hello Seller, I want to know if this Horse still available for sale,If still get back to me with your asking price and the present condition of it. Thanks and Get back
Me: * 1. Asking price is listed. 2. See the section saying not sold? There you go. 3rd. Condition of 'it'? Pretty sure he's a living creature, and a male. Oh and the condition? ALIVE and healthy.
4th. Just because it doesnt say "Am in India; I will send you $2,000 more than asking price if once shipped you send 1,000 back as insurance" doesnt make it scream SCAM!!! any less.
B: .Hi. I had seen your ad and was wondering if you were considering any trades for your horse. I have a Registered AQHA Appendix Mare. Her color is Dun and she has a dark line down her back. She is 7 years old and is 14.3 hands tall. We got her as a trade and she doesn't fit our kind of riding. She is broke to ride, has been a trail horse her whole life. She is very smart and would be a great horse to teach whatever you wanted to do. She does not have a job therefore I have been teaching her the barrel pattern just so she will have something to do. In her bloodline their are Superior Cutting and Western Pleasure horses. Midge would be a great Prospect for Barrels, Poles, Broodmare, Cutting, Reining, Cow Work, Jumping, Western Pleasure and Competition Trail Riding. She is up to date on Coggins and shots. Loads, ties, hauls, no bite, no kick. We need to sell her soon due to being out of work and Unemployment running out soon. We will consider all offers. Thank You
me: Hey now, i'm pretty sure I'm the one selling the horse here, not you. You will get no offers from me. Hello downsizing herd? Doesnt mean I need even more horses so a trade would do me no good. Finally; your unemployment's running out? You need to sell your horse very badly for cash? Oh yeah that really makes me want to give you my rescue horse. Oh wait....
7. hope is till avilable for sale?
me: wait... what? How is that a question?
8. Is this the lowest you will take for this horse? I rode her before you bought her & know she rides very well. Thank you for your time Linda
me: She most certainly did not ride well at all. Trust me. She was crazy, attacked her handlers and wouldnt move. When I got her I had to work with with me inside a steel pen and her outside. Now she's quiet and responsive, can be ridden bareback in a halter and does a variety of tricks.
9. Hello , I am ________, I'm interested in the purchase of your Horse advertised for sale, I will like you to get back to me if it is still available for sale and tell me more about the Horse and if possible, i would like to know the reason why selling it and i will like you to tell your best offer for it. Warm regards.
me: It's all in the ad. You should actually read it. Really. Also I wish people would quit calling my horses 'its'! They have genders... and names! (But that requires reading the ad)
11. ive boughten the wrong horse and ive been drooling after seeing (Horse)i think it is a great match
me: Really? I dont.
12. m ________,I'm a woman of 27yrs,I was born in saint marys, Georgia,(USA).I'm 5.7ft,average body build,single woman... love to be Reading,Dancing,camping,Swmimming,listen to music...I will like to be married to manof my choice ,single or divorced man,that is serious about himself and wont cheat on me as my ex did to me,I will like you to get back to me if im okay by you.
me: No you are not okay by me. This isn't a dating site! All I know is you cannot have my horse for your next husband as she is female and a horse, sorry.
13. Hello Seller, I am ________r by name i am interest in buying your item on the site....I desire to be the next owner because I want to buy for my would cousin. For his wedding ceremony Coming up in June because he is a horse lover...so i will be so happy to know if the Horse is still for sale.. I hope to hear from you soon. Thank You! Dr. _______
me: What's a 'would cousin'?
(Spam don't get to be edited out)
14. Am Mr. Nick Willys, Managing Director of Crystal Construction Limited, i saw your positing on horseclicks.com about your Horse, let me know the price and payment term. Hope to get your immediate reply soonest. Regards, Mr. Nickolas Willys meetnickwillys@yahoo.com
me: I really hate getting spam.
B: I'm looking for a gaited horse for trail riding. My aunt and uncle have all paso finos and I will be riding with them. All of their horses are gaited as well. I'm looking for a gentle easy going horse that I don't have to beg to keep up with the rest of the horses in the group. She will be my only horse and will get all the attention and all the riding hours. If you include all supplies, including her saddle and bridle I'd be very interested in her at your asking price.
me: Hello, *Clearly you didn't read the ad.*
(Horse) would never need to be begged to keep up, with her speed, endurance and brio she much prefers to lead actually. I dont know that I'd call her easy going as she is the epitome of Brio and her Spanish ancestry.
The saddle I normally use costs over $600 and is a special paso fino saddle, another of the saddles I use is an endurance saddle that cost about $400+, and my last saddle is a cashel soft saddle that I got specifically for my arthritic gelding. The pad is orthopedic and costs well over $130, the bit alone costs over $50 used, so including them is not practical especially since I'm NOT getting out of horses; just downsizing my pasture. Her price is actually very very low for a peruvian, much less one of her looks, gait and training so I think that it's more than fair.
16. (Response to a very energetic/hot mare)
B: Hi, I am 11. Me and my dad are looking for a younger horse for me . The one I have now is getting old but still lots of spunck in her!...but we arelooking for another one! I am a experienced rider . I have been riding since I was 4! Thank you! Hope you caan get back to me! Erin
Me: I would not feel comofortable putting someone of you age on her, nothing personal by any means, she's just a LOT of horse. Which is why she's listed as a horse for intermediate to experienced riders.
* I also started riding when I was 4, and unless you've been doing serious dressage the entire time I just dont think you could really ride her..*
17. Hi! I was wondering if 200 or four hundred would cover it. since im only eleven - about (horse above)
( same kid about another peruvian)
Hi! im eleven and love horses! I was wondering if you could give her to me for 200 dollars because I'd have to keep her in a near by boarding farm in washington state
me: (I didnt actually bother replying to this one as neither horse was near to that price range or suitable) That's not how money works hunnie. Do what I did; work your ass off every summer at any odd job or place that would hire you for enough years until you can afford to buy and keep your own horse. No one ever gave me a discount because I was young. Also, do you have any idea how much shipping is?!
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