One track mind

Okay, part two is delayed because I'm still writing it... actually that's a lie, I haven't even started it but I feel like blogging about something else today. I blame my sister, she posted about following your dream on her blog. ( http://www.ramblingmandie.com/stop-worrying-together/  You should check her/it out. She takes this blogging thing much more seriously than I do. While it's not about horses, it is about travel.)

My sister and I have always been a little bit opposite: she is more impulsive, I am rational and won't do something without considering every angle and having 16,000 backups. She tends to be loud and in the middle of things, I am perfectly content to sit back quietly and watch other people. She's always wanted big things, things that are exciting and new and larger than life. I don't particularly like new things or too much excitement and change. I like my routine and consistency and knowing what to expect.

Basically if this happened:

Her response would probably be: 

And mine would probably be:

Not knowing what's going to happen? No thank you. I am a respectable Hobbit thankyouverymuch. 

We do have a few things in common; a love of horses and vodka high among them.

While we've both worked at and managed stables, she felt burned out and I felt a burning desire to have my own or take over so that things could actually be run efficiently and 'the right way'. We both have a tendency to work ourselves to ridiculous levels and it usually ends up with us replacing one or several other workers with... ourselves. At no additional cost. We probably need to work on that.

Anyway, her post was all about how her "dream" (you know, what you want to do for the rest of your life) changes over the years and why it's okay to not worry about it. Her dreams fluctuate but mine have always been pretty much the same- with the exception of the brief period of time that I wanted to study sharks. (What? sharks are cool.) 

Anyway, my 'dream': 

Age 4: I want to train horses when I grow up! 

Age 7: I want to train horses when I grow up!

Age 12: I want to train horses when I grow up!

Age 15: I want to train horses when I grow up.

Age 17: I want to really train horses when I get older and I want to keep rehabilitating horses.

Age 19: I want to train and rehabilitate horses, and I want to run a horse business with no interference from people that aren't efficient! (I was a trail guide at this time and it ran so much more smoothly when it was just me there and my boss didn't come in.) 

Age 21: Yes, I still want to train horses. No, I didn't grow out of it. Yes, I'm still rehabilitating horses. 

Age 22: Well, I still want to train and rehabilitate horses, but I kind of hate people and the fact that there's no job stability there so maybe I should look into a horse job with stability...  Shit. Maybe I should do equine assisted therapy... 

Age 23/nearly 24: I'm pretty sure I don't actually want to do equine assisted therapy, but I don't know. I think I want to train horses, fix problems (training for a specialty discipline has never really interested me much unfortunately) and help people understand their horses. Because really, why can't you see what your horse is saying?! He's damn near screaming it! Why aren't you listening? Dammit, now you got hurt because you weren't listening when he whispered so he had to shout and now you're blaming the horse. Goddammit I hate you. You aren't even trying! 

 I don't really want to sell horses because, again, people suck, but I don't want to take on outside clients until I know more and I still have a lot to learn. I want to apprentice myself, but only to someone I respect as a trainer who doesn't use shitty methods, but isn't obsessed with using one method for every horse and actually cares more about helping the horse than pleasing the owner.  Finding this is a lot harder than you'd think. (But seriously, Mark Rashid, do you want an assistant? Because I will work like crazy for that opportunity.) 

Anyway, my point is that I'm basically the kind of person with a one track mind. I know what I want and I will find ways to get it. In high school I read books on horses, books on training, studied behavior analysis and equine instinct, books on how their mind and eyesight worked, books on basically anything horse related. Hell, in elementary school I was the weird kid who brought in the equine encyclopedia for fun and studied the different riding types, horse colors, horse conformation and horse breeds and breed characteristics. For fun. 

I know I'm not the only person who read this so many times the cover fell apart. 

I would do my homework as quickly as possible, in class, and then go straight to horse stuff.  My brain has this tendency to not be interested in retaining memories of things that aren't relevant to horse things or what I expect to be relevant later in life. It's really annoying. 

I have actually spent so much time focused on horse things, that it's difficult for me to tell people apart that I've met. Names and faces. In Italy Sandra looked at me like I was crazy when I said that after a week, I still had no idea what the 8 kids names were and I really had trouble telling most of them apart. But after the first week, I could tell you all 18 of the horses names, tell them apart even if they were the same color with no other markings.  I can remember the different colors of horses that I pass in a field while driving in a car. 

Sandra looked at me like I was crazy when I said the kids looked the same to me. It's the same look I gave her when she said half the horses looked the same to her. 

What do you mean the horses all look the same?! They look totally different. How can you not tell them apart? 

And to most of us here, it's probably pretty easy to tell them apart. But I guess if you haven't spent tons of time staring at horses, it might be difficult. I guess. Maybe.

Basically I've spent so much time looking at horses that my Fusiform face area (the part of the brain that specializes in facial recognition, particularly human like faces) is at least as good, and possibly better, and recognizing different horse faces. There's a debate going on whether or not the FFA recognizes mainly faces or also domain specialties. 

Me: There's a difference?  Hang on, okay, I guess I see it. If I really study it.

But with horses? I've spent so much of my life focused on them, that it's easy to tell them apart in split seconds. 

I got off track there, but my point is, I get focused on something and there's no point trying to persuade me otherwise. Then I have a tendency to stick with it for obscene amounts of time. 

I've been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life when I get back- what do I want to do with horses? I've been thinking, trying to find out what I can do that would have some semblance of stability, and less human drama, with horses. But Really, I think I've always kind of known and it really hasn't changed much. I do want to train and help horses, and help people understand their horses.

Which means that when I get back, I need to get to work on finding people I like and respect to apprentice with so I can learn more about training. 

Although I will admit, I would really also like to get into equine photography, perhaps as a hobby if nothing else.