And it's official- my journey will begin in March.

I just bought my ticket to Spain this afternoon. I will be arriving there March 25th.

I'm leaving early to help out my first hosts. That way I can get there a few days before they leave, so that my first hosts can both go and see their grandson and feel okay with leaving their home and horses with me and the other workaways. I'll be staying there with two other girls, age 16 and 18. I don't think it's going to be too hard for me to pick up (I watched the show horses- about 80, and all the other animals for my boss for two weeks while they were away. I did this by myself when I was 13. I was a weirdly responsibly young person) plus I've done house sitting for several other people. The weirdest was house sitting for 2 dogs, several cats and one 16 year old. ... That actually beat out house sitting for a cat rescue, with a grand total of over 34 cats.

Anyway, I didn't really have a point there I'm just trying to avoid real work.

So I'll be leaving a little ahead of schedule, which means I need to sell Moose by then, among other things. I did take him on a trail ride today and got him to canter for the first time. Whenever I tried in the pasture he'd buck/crow hop/lurch for a stride or two then stop. Today we cantered twice for a decent length of time. He's got a pretty nice canter actually.

So I've been thinking that I'm going to start another blog- one for my travels and my thoughts on them. Which might not be just about horses but experiences in general Yes, I realize that's basically what this blog has turned into already. Shut up with your logic.

The real reason is so I can give the link out to family and friends. I don't really want to share this one with them, it allows me to speak more candidly when no one actually knows me.  I'll still write on this one too I think, and i'll try to go back to making it all about horses.

Okay, I made the new blog and it's not very exciting yet but it will be once I'm in Europe.. I hope. I'm calling it- The Wandering Equestrian
Here's the linky link: http://thewanderingequestrian.blogspot.com/

Weight, riding and working out

So I turned on my TV and 'My 600 lb life' was on. (I like to watch What Not to Wear in the mornings when I'm getting ready, sue me) and first off I just want to say Way to go! to everyone on there who made those life choices and lost a significant amount of weight. I'm sure it wasn't easy.
It's also good motivation when I don't want to get up and workout or do my squats. If they can get up and go exercise and workout, I certainly can too. If you ever want a steady source of good actually helpful, motivation, check out http://theberry.com/category/daily-motivation/

I'm watching the show right now and I admit I do wonder how on earth someone can get to weigh over 650 pounds. Now I'm not a terribly large girl, I'm err, curvaceous, but I've never been overweight so I won't pretend to understand that struggle. Maintaining a healthy weight has always been relatively easy for me- although I have always been fairly active as well. Sure I put on some pounds in college that I'm now working to lose, but still. Nothing like the difficulty some people face and I know it. So that's the preference to this post.

The episode ended with the lady (Who went from 600+ to 349!) saying she was going to go ride horses with her daughter. I admit, I cringed a little. It actually turned out that she took her daughter to a riding lesson, which was quite sweet and I completely approve of. But the reason I cringed is because of my time as a trail guide.

We had a woman come out who said she'd recently lost a lot of weight and was so happy that she was finally small enough to go ride horses, which she's always dreamed about! The only thing was... she was still a very large woman. Honestly not small enough to ride quite yet in my opinion. And my boss didn't buy very big horses. They averaged 14.1-15 hands. Not a one was over 15.2.

Our smallest horse being held by the tallest rider we ever had come out. His shirt said "It's good to be the Big Guy" We did have trouble finding a horse tall enough for him. He was over 7 feet tall if you were wondering. The stirrups didn't go long enough either... He needed a Moose sized horse.

My boss claimed big horses scared people. I said that bigger people need bigger, stockier horses. I wanted him to get a draft or a draft cross.... Anyway, my boss at the time didn't have a weight limit for riders. Now we were in the south and we got bigger riders pretty frequently, but this particular woman was the biggest.

So I put her up on what was our stocky but safe horse and apologized to the horse because this was not a big horse, maybe 14.2 hands? I felt so damn bad for the horse and so mad at my boss for not getting a horse that could accommodate a heavy rider. Taking a trail ride was this woman's dream, and that's a good dream and she worked hard for it. ... It just happened that she still should have been mounted on a draft sized horse. Two of us had to help brace the horse so that she could get on. The 20% rule was so far out the window we could have sent it a post card.

The end of the ride was particularly awkward. Why you ask? Well, that would be because when she tried to dismount, she wasn't able to. Not even with help. She was literally stuck in the saddle. I'm sure the poor woman was mortified. We had to undo the cinch and slide the saddle off before she could get out of it. Totally not safe by the way.

So there does come a time to say 'I'm sorry but you just weigh too much for our horses to carry safely'. Now I'm not talking about someone who's a bit overweight, there are plenty of horses who can carry them. And I'm not talking about if it's your own horse and you've been caring in your tack selection and horse selection and your seat is good.  I'm talking significantly so, and when it comes right down to it, I'm going to side with the horse.

Now my metabolism slowed down in college and I ate unhealthy foods, drank and didn't exercise. And it showed. I gained weight. My muscles got all sad and pathetic. I waved 'bye bye' to my abs.

This was kind of how I felt when I started wearing my breeches. 

I realized I could see cellulite... On my butt, with the breeches on! I'm only 23 and I was so not cool with this. This is what prompted the Squat challenge I'm currently doing. I'm pleased to say that it's working. My friend asked me if my butt had gotten less 'voluptuous' the other day. Maybe, but it's certainly gotten perkier! 

This is month one

This is month two... yikes. 

The other reason for my getting back in shape is that one of the places I applied to said it would be helpful, but not essential, to have a rider under 9 stone (about 126 lbs) because some of the horses are small. I'm about 5'7 and I do not weigh 126 lbs. I actually don't know what I weigh at the moment- hold on.

Okay I'm back. I just dug up a scale (it was buried in stuff in the back room.) I see why they say not to use a scale on carpet... I just got on and it said I weighed 140. I had a heart spasm, I admit. Then I tried it on the hard floor and it said 130. I'm okay with that. Sheesh. Okay, I know I might be a bit ridiculous but I was not okay with putting on weight when I've been working out and eating healthy. On the plus side I have dropped like 6 lbs and put on muscle since graduation and later when I decided I wanted to be 'fit'. So I'm actually closer to the weight they want then I thought, which is nice. 

This is my breakfast (and usually lunch as well). 

It's super delicious. It's organic oats/oat meal with 1 whole shredded apple, 1-2 handfuls of ground up pecans, coconut milk (I'm lactose intolerant plus it's delicious), a few shakes of ground cinnamon, 1 cap full of vanilla flavoring, chia seeds, a bit of brown sugar, a couple handfuls of raisins, a handful of dried cranberries, 1 whole banana, 3-4 fresh strawberries.  It's the most amazingly delicious oatmeal ever, incredibly filling (I also make enough for two meals worth) and it's a great way to get a lot of fruit into your system. Sorry, I had to share. It takes like 15 minutes to make but it's so worth it.

Also if you want a really amazing smoothie, make it with frozen blackberries, blueberries, pineapple, strawberries, peach or mango greek yogurt, a fresh apple or a pear, and if you want to add a little bad for you, some canned peaches. Or fresh if you have them- yum. You can even toss in a handful of spinach and a carrot... but it's not as tasty. We grow our own fruit and then freeze it for winter. 

Now I'm hungry and I forgot what I was actually trying to write about. I swear there was supposed to be a point somewhere.

Oh well. I'm going to go eat supper. If I remember what it was I'll come back and add it.

Frustrating

Bah, so I'm still trying to get the whole trip figured out. I havent heard back from Ireland (either of them) so I might remind the first people again. But I emailed Spain again and I still haven't heard anything back and I'm waiting on another reply for Italy. So despite hearing yes originally, the only one that I've actually worked out details with is France.
It's frustrating so I'm applying to some other places. I'm just kind of waiting to hear back from the new places and then I'm guessing I'll suddenly hear back from the first people.... In which case it will be too late.
It's a bit vain, I know, but I think it's a loss on their parts. I'm willing to work with difficult horses and do dirty work and I have lots of experience as a trail guide (which is what a lot of the places do). I just figure there aren't all that many people who apply regularly who have done that.

Hmph, it's just frustrating because I want to finalize everything! I like plans.. and backup plans for those! (I know, why the heck am I in horses right?)

Black Stallion Syndrome

Black Stallion Syndrome: it's the name I've given to the condition that people seem to have when they desire the type of horse (wild, fast, intense..) that they really don't need. This is mainly only applied to the people who are beginners or un-confident riders who really do want a laid back horse.... but the horses they're attracted to are the ones where people are going fast. They want to be Alec and The Black.

"I wanna do that! ... But not really, because that's scary."

But they'd be petrified to actually have to ride or deal with that type of a horse. What they really need and want is the old steady eddy horse. But they won't BUY that type of horse. Oh no, that would be much too logical. I think it's the same reason parents always inquire about my 'hot' or green horses for their kids.

Whenever I have a horse that I say is for experienced or confident rider, I get beginners asking if it's suitable. ... .... ... No, it's not.
And when I have a horse, Blue, that's perfect for that kind of rider....  Eh. Not so many.

I stress in the ad how laid back he is. The other day I decided to add some bareback pictures to the Western and English ones. And I finally got Blue to canter! And the very best part is that I got it on camera! It was a heck of a leg workout by the way..

You can see the visible look of shock on my face when he finally did it.

Still, the moment I made this my display picture for him- BAM calls come rolling in. Emails all over the place. He's still the same laid back horse and getting him to do that is a workout (I was sweating!) but apparently it drives people crazy.

They all say they want the laid back horse that he's described as, but they're all attracted to the type of horse they don't need. Or  because in their imagination they can hop on that horse and ride like they're crazy teenagers. 

So the key I've found for successful marketing is to show them the black stallion, and sell them ol' nelly. 

So much leg... And kissing. 

He kept trying to run me into this tiny tree....

He looks like a barbie dream horse here... He just needs a unicorn horn!

So damn big... 

Moose would like to remind everyone to Smile! 

How did I spend my weekend?

Well I got to hang out with this totally awesome wolf. That's how. She is super shy of strangers and I even got to pet her, play with her and she licked my hand. It was amazing. Her human is my moms friend which is nice. 

I'm also kind of freaking out because I havent heard back from spain again... or ireland. Arg

Happy Horsey Valentines Day!

Yep, it's that awful day where everything is pink and none of the chocolate is half off yet. But you can still spend it with some carrots and your special sweetie. I'm talking about your horse of course!
So in honor of.... the day before chocolate goes on sale day, and umm, love or something, here are horse themed cards!

scumbag horse

Ew. Went on facebook for 5 minutes. I intensely regret that decision. 

*swoon* 

A long and off topic post about my experience with being weird and slightly socially awkward penguin

This is off topic and more personal than horse related, but I was reading an article on bullying and I realized it was probably rather odd that as strange and Gothy as I was I never really had an issue with it.
It's possibly because I generally looked scary as shit, all in black with spikes and a perpetual "go away" expression (not around my horses of course). Or because I didn't care what people thought about me. It's more likely because I had my nose buried in a book and was listening to music until I could get home and play with my horses. (The Boy thinks it's because I was a girl and I, err, "developed" early on. I like my theories better though.)

Okay fine, sometimes I had the look around the horses as well. Although to be fair, he (my friend doing the photo project) did have to keep yelling at me to stop laughing and look serious. 

This is what happens when I wanted a shot for myself and not for a project. Nobody who actually knew me thought I was scary. Probably because they actually heard me talk. I tend to ruin the facade when I open my mouth. Either way, Sam doesn't judge me. 

Anyway, I think the only time I actually remember someone actually trying to physically bully me was in the 8th grade. I was tiny, under five foot, and weighed well under 70 pounds and I was still blonde, in braces and fresh from homeschooling. Oh, have I ever mentioned that I was home schooled from 4th until 8th grade? Well, I was. Probably didn't help the socially awkward thing either.

Yeah! 

Well this person apparently thought I was an easy target, honestly there was nothing even a little bit intimidating about me at this time and she was considerably bigger than me. Still she started insulting me and even pushed my shoulder I believe. But that was it. Why? No, I didn't fight back. No, a teacher didn't come and no, she didn't suddenly just decide to become a better person. It's because she looked into my eyes. (And no she didn't suddenly see I was a human being with feelings either.) 

8th grade was the worst year of my life (and many other peoples I imagine). This was the only year of my life that I didn't have horses. I had un-diagnosed clinical depression and suicidal tendencies because of that. Now here's the thing about some types of depression, it's not all being sad. Sometimes it's apathy. I just did not care. At all. There was no response in my eyes; not anger or fear or fright. Just...nothingness. I didn't say a word, I just stared at her. And that terrifies people. People aren't scared when you make threats- they know they're mostly empty. They aren't scared when you put your tiny fists up. No, they're scared when the only reaction they get from the person they're trying to intimidate is a slight head tilt and an unblinking stare. We're afraid of the unexpected and what we aren't able to predict.

Kind of like this scene in Sherlock. 'Read me now sucker!' Oh and if you haven't seen this show, fix it. Seriously. And if you have, in addition to talking horses I also like discussing shows I'm addicted to!

She never bothered me again. Then I got Sam and 8th grade sucked just a tiny bit less. 

In highschool I became quite gothy and I fine with that. I was still obsessed with horses and spent all my spare time studying about them. (I was also 'smart' ((I went to school in Arkansas, we were covering things I learned in 3rd grade in Minnesota)) and finished my home or class work usually before the class was even half up. Then I read.)  I was the kind of kid teachers loved: I shut up, paid attention when I needed to and always did my work on time. Sure I looked weird and spooky, had around 20 piercings and would occasionally freak people out by giving myself a new ear piercing in the middle of school (hey, it was cosmetology) but I was still somehow better behaved than everyone else so no-one gave a damn. 

I think the fact that my skin color was somewhere around 'corpse' and 'sheet of paper' white made me look spookier... or you know, dead. *Wooo* (That was my attempt at a ghost noise by the way.) And if you're wondering how someone with horses stays that pale, it's damn hard work. And a lot of spf 110+, yes they make that. Then  I became a trail guide and I got really, really tan. 

So let's recount: I was nerdy (still am. I went as Doctor Who, the Matt Smith version for Halloween), "brainy", horse obsessed (I'd bring tack magazines to school and drool over them. I got lots of 'whips' comments- then I'd correct them on the correct use of a riding crop. Really, why does everybody think I'm into that? It's a teaching aid people! It stays in my barn), a book worm, a theater kid, artsy, a bit of a teachers pet and the weird kid who sat alone in class, wore a LOT of black, and didn't like to talk to people.

I was the kind of person that usually got picked on. But I like to think that I mastered that empty stare and the 'I don't take shit from things with a thousand pounds on me and I'm sure not going to take any from you!' look early on. That or because I gave up caring (What happened to that and how can I get it back?) made me confident. And confidence in high school is a rare thing. 

Apparently actually people weren't entirely nice to me. I have to admit I never noticed. Probably because I disliked 90% of them and probably because I wasn't terribly nice myself. (Teenagers man, we all sucked.) If you were loud and disruptive in class I probably hated you because I like order and efficiency. Although if you were quiet, did your own work and didn't disrupt the learning you were in the 10% I absolutely liked. 

 I had a circle of good friends who were all weird and many of whom were gay, and I hung out with them and didn't talk to a lot of other people. The truth is that I didn't want to. They annoyed me. I actually did have the chance to be one of the 'popular kids'. The popular girls invited me to sit with them when I first started school. I found them vapid and dull. I don't think they terribly appreciated being blown off...

Later on I had my hair super long and kept black headphones in anytime the teacher wasn't teaching... and sometimes when they were.

Best hiding tool ever but my god, that took at least 3 boxes of hair dye on a regular basis. 

I don't remember most of high school to be perfectly honest. I was on a lot of pills, (My first prescribed anti-depressant made me a zombie and permanently damaged my short term memory) and I spent the rest of the time reading and listening to music. I loved being weird. I loved the clothing and the sassy attitude and the music. 

Occasionally well meaning people would try and 'reach out to me'. Which is quite nice- and that's truly not sarcasm. Except that usually I didn't want them to. I swear, they always found a way to do this right at the best and most exciting part of a book! Gah! Is it so hard to believe that some people actually enjoy reading more than gossiping?! (I'm kind of a book hoarder. My shelf is filled to the brim and I got a kindle for christmas which only makes my addition worse- although much more space efficient.) 

Me in pretty much every class ever. 

Yes that is the Lord of the Rings and yes I was totally the kind of person who would yell at people in Elvish when they annoyed me. Stop judging me.

Anyway, I actually rather enjoyed high school for the most part. I know, who says that right? But I had some great friends and we had a lot of fun. I also had my horses and started doing my project thing when I was 16. I mean, it's still high school- it's not like it's college. College was actually awesome. I came out of my shell a lot in college. Even if you think high school was not that bad, once you get to college you're like: "Damn, no that did kinda suck, this is way better." 

The funny thing is that I got several letters, over my high school career apologizing for not reaching out to me more and not trying to include me in stuff. Or for saying things about me. (Whenever I'd hear nasty gossip I'd find a way to make it 10x worse sounding and then tell them to pass it on. It made me giggle. Being goth and not caring what anyone thought was quite freeing that way.) I guess they thought I was lonely. The truth is that I wasn't. At all actually. But they didn't know that. Still, when they'd give me these letters at the end of the year it was really very nice of them. It showed introspection on their behalf. It wasn't needed for me personally, but there are many, many people who do need it. I think that writing them was as therapeutic as receiving them is for some people. 

I also heard people say they wish they'd have gotten to know me better (I still kind of don't. I really enjoyed my private reading and study time.) because I seemed so unique and different. I like to think that I was a special and unique little snowflake - just like everybody else.

So, remember that there are still some good people out there. A lot of times they're just too young and self absorbed (what teenager isn't?) to notice someone else who's actually suffering while it's happening. It's not always deliberate and I spent a fair bit of time responding to those letters, thanking them and reassuring them that it wasn't actually necessary personally, I was alright and they don't need to feel bad. In reality, I intentionally avoided people most of the time.  I thought I was the one ignoring them!

Actually, most of my goth friends had more fun than most 'normal' people did in high school.  Although many of them did have problems with harassment. I'll put up with a lot of nonsense about myself and directed at me, but I have a fairly short fuse when it comes to people doing it to people I care about. It's that overprotective thing again. I was nicknamed 'the Happy Goth' when I started college. A name that stuck even after I moved away from my monochromatic wardrobe and excess of spikes. I'm pretty sure that people I'd never met knew that nick name before meeting me. I'm okay with that. It was funny though, how many of my friends admit they thought I was intimidating when they first saw me as I'm actually quite shy in person and I don't always know what to do in social situations with lots of people.

My first semester of college I had a moment that I feel kind of bad for in retrospect. But only kind of. 

I was drinking (Gasp! A drinking story on a college campus? How shocking and unpredictable!) and walking with a new friend talking about things and having a good time. I was approached by a guy who recognized me from high school. (Same town) He said he remembered me and had wanted to apologize to me for a long time. He said he still felt bad for the way he treated me in school and the things he said. He said he hoped it hadn't haunted me and that he'd been an ass at that time in his life.

My response? "Um, who are you? Are you sure we've met?"

I honestly could not remember ever seeing him before in my life. To be fair I had had several cups of punch at that point and I have a seriously terrible memory (Lexapro- not even once) But no, he hadn't haunted me. In fact, he had such a minimal effect on my life that my mind didn't even store him to even facial memory. But I had clearly had an effect on his. 

I'm glad he changed and stopped being such an jerk (I did vaguely remember him the next day when I facebook crept his name. He was indeed an ass and I guess we had several classes together?) I feel bad, not because he hadn't had any effect on my life whatsoever, but because it took a lot of thinking, reflecting and courage (aided by a few cups of his own) to admit and apologize for the not nice things he'd done as a teenage boy. That should be rewarded.

I just hope I didn't set this guy off of apologizing to other people forever. 

I'm a tiny bit annoyed to be honest. Because now I feel guilty for his not having any effect on my life, even though he was apparently a jerk to me, and not forgiving him for things I don't remember on that night. This is still really the only memory I have of him. 

Most people weren't like me and I know that. It does haunt most people. The Boy has stories of his own and he's still coping with the after effects- he had a great breakthrough this year. I think a big part of it not getting to me at all was the fact that I had my horses. I liked them more than people, they were always there to talk to and a canter is the cure for all evils. Sam didn't judge me (unless I was late with feeding him) and I always had him to come home to.

If I'm being really open, and I am, I was a lot more hurt by it in college. I guess it's because I tried toning it down a little and started caring what people thought about me.  (Dammit) I still remember my freshman year being in my room as an RA (resident assistant- kind of like a dorm mom/rule enforcer/community builder that's paid jack squat. Freshmen are rarely allowed to be RA's.) and hearing two girls, two of my residents, talking about me outside my door.

"What a freak! I can't believe they let people like *Her* become RA's!"

"Seriously, what the hell?!"

And so on.

It was finals week, I was on no sleep, I had duty that weekend (it's like babysitting drunk over sized toddlers for pennies an hour at 2 in the morning), I hadn't seen my horse in a while and I was just plain stressed out. I couldn't deal with it. I had to go home and cry to Sam, and then ride. Then I felt better.

Normally my response would be to open my door, stick my head out and say 'Just so you know, your RA's aren't deaf. We can actually hear you. Especially through these shitty doors. You should be damn happy that I'm your RA. I'm way more lenient than most of the others. (Okay, so maybe I was lazy and really just didn't want to fill out the 5 page form for reporting someone).'

But really, a tip to remember ladies: You probably should be nice, at least to their face, to the only person who can let you in your room at 3 am when you're half naked (and on a few occasions actually naked.) and doing the walk of shame because you forgot your keys.

Your RA is the one who gives you crackers and water when you're too drunk to function, instead of reporting you like they're supposed to.

Your RA is the one who can shut down your parties at any time (and yes, we totally know where you live. And no, we don't feel like giving you a break).

Your RA is the one that gives you a solo cup to pour your drink in so that you won't get in trouble for carrying an 'open container'.

They do not get paid enough to put up with all your shit. If you're not nice to them, none of the other RA's will be nice either. You're in college now, so grow up and act like it.

Sorry, now that one did get to me. Which is odd since I've been called a freak more times than I can count. And yes, I did get to shut down several of their parties. If I can hear your music a floor above and on the other side of the dorm- it's too damn loud! Thankfully most of my residents weren't like this. Almost all of them were polite and some were very sweet- I still have the presents they gave me. I still quit after that semester. I was not paid nearly enough to put up with all of that. Also I think it's just especially hard on freshmen- blind leading the blind. I got paid $11 a ride to haul people around on horses for an hour, and that's way less work and the boss is just as annoying. 

The lesson here is still that bullying is bad and apologize if you did it! That's still the moral dammit! If you did, you don't get to not feel bad just because of my particular instance!

Since I'm already way off topic, I figured I'd throw in what I considered to be an amusing story about attempted bad 90's movie plot gone wrong. Okay it's just in here because I remembered it late at night and feel like writing about it and I don't actually keep a journal. 

It was my second year of high school and yes, I was still weird. I had this thing about wearing ties and a semi formal jacket- it was my "trademark" look. 

Anyway, it was lunch time and I was killing time with some friends just sitting around and talking. I was minding my own business when suddenly I felt this tap on my shoulder. I looked up, expecting to see one of my friends, and saw instead some tall guy followed by about 5-8 of his giggling guy friends.

The interaction went something like this.

Random tall guy: "Hey."

Me: *confused* "Um, hi? ... *awkward pause*... Can I help you?"

RTG: "Yeah I just wanted to say I really like your tie." *Picks up my tie* (Now I have this thing about my personal bubble being invaded that goes twice as much for humans as it does for horses. Breaching this is doubly unappreciated when it's something that's on my dang chest!)

M: Thanks. That's nice. Quit touching me. Now."

RTG: "Yeah, I've got a tie too. *holds up his own tie* It's pink."

M: "That's great. I can see that, what I can't see is why some strange guy is suddenly talking to me and touching me."

RTG: *confused look* "Don't you know who I am?"

M: "No. And no I don't care or want to know either. I'm busy. Go away."

My friend: "OH! *blushing* He's *Name I totally don't remember* He's the school's basketball star! "

M: "That's nice. Still doesn't explain what he's doing here or why I'd care." 

RTG: "Yeah, I've been signed to *some team I don't remember.* (I actually did see him on the tv a few years ago- well, my parent's did and they pointed him out.)

M: "Do I really look like the kind of girl who's into sports?"

RTG: *Still touching my shoulder* "Well I... blablabla." *starts trying to flatter me while his friends keep failing to keep a straight face behind him*

About this time I figure he's either really, really dense or used to every girl fawning over him and is unable to imagine that someone actually isn't into him. (And apparently unable to think that the a girl might just have a boyfriend already.) I made the guess that he and his friends have seen one too many terrible 90's movie about the school jock and the weird girl and made some kind of bet that he could get her to go out with him or lead her on or something.  I know I have. (For the record, one is too many of those movies.) 

Like this one for example. Nobody believes that no one wants to date you just because you had glasses! 

M: *cutting him off* "Okay, listen up and listen closely because I'm only going to say this once. This is not a bad movie. I have never seen you or talked to you before in my life. I am not interested in you in any way. I do not like you. You have a problem with respecting personal space. I do not want you touching me. I do not want you talking to me. I want you to Go Away. Seriously. I'm not playing hard to get, I just could care less that you're good at some sport"

RTG *interrupting* "Basketball"

M: "Whatever. Don't care. Shoo." *I returned to talking to my friends*

I think he kept trying to talk to me while I ignored him. Half of his friends looked shocked and the half looked like Christmas had came early. I'm guessing half were supporting him and half weren't. 

Real life isn't always like the movies; not all girls need rescuing from big strong, popular men to make them bloom into a dainty flower.

 I like to think that I prevented another terrible movie from being inspired from my story. 

So now, in a desperate attempt to make this not a useless and rambling journal entry  post, here are the morals all summed up:

Bullying is bad. Don't do it. Seriously. It's not okay. It's not okay even if they're weird.

If you do do it, apologize!

Don't bully the weird kid in all black who's got pointy metal spikes all over. That's just a bad life choice right there. 

If your bully apologizes you should try and forgive them too. Even if you may not remember them. 

Teenagers kind of all suck, they grow out of it, usually.

Leave the kid gleefully reading a book to their book.

Give your teenagers horses! Horses are good. They give kids confidence and responsibility. Plus, any teenager with a horse to take care of won't ever have time or money to spend on cigarettes, drugs or alcohol! 

Get treatment or therapy for depression (but I'd avoid lexapro personally), don't just avoid it completely. 

You should watch Sherlock.

Because that. That's why. You can thank me later.

I'll try to think up an actual horse post later, I promise. 

What the hell is wrong with people?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4YY2GXiOLA

Now I've seen this video before, and I don't think I can watch it all the way through again. We can all agree that there's something seriously wrong with this.... I'm sorry but I can't even call her a 'trainer' sarcastically.

The first thing that sets her off happens when she tightens her grip on the lead rope and the horse steps in- as he thinks he's supposed to. Then she punishes him for it- a thing she was clearly waiting for from her exclamation. Then after she finishes 'disciplining' him, she takes a step back- out of the horses space! Which effectively tells the horse, 'hey, you were right to move into my bubble and now I'll move out of yours. What you did was okay and you're allowed to make me move MY feet.' Now I'm sure she "thinks" *Please read that as: I'm not actually sure she thinks at all* that she's told the horse 'what you did was wrong' by her actions with the rope. She hasn't. And even if the horse did somehow get what he did wrong (doubtful) she just told him 'oh, my mistake, you were right this was your space all along!' by backing out of it.

(I scold my mother about this constantly whenever she complains that the horses don't respect her space. They don't respect it because you keep telling them that it isn't your space.) When a horse invades my 'bubble' (and I could write a whole post on the importance of an established bubble) I move them out of it. I don't move, they do.

Anyway, I could talk about what's wrong in this video and with this person all day, but I'm not because I'm assuming that you can all see that she's an idiot who has no business teaching anyone anything. So what I'm going to talk about is what's wrong with the owners.

Seriously, this appeared to be a very well cared for horse, in excellent condition, who was, at least at the time, standing respectfully. This means the handler has definitely cared for or about the animal. Great. So why the hell does he not interfere when this woman gets out of hand? I can *almost* understand not getting in when she pops him with the rope the first time. Almost but not really because I'd have said something. But after that, he just stands by and lets this happen to his horse. Also, what is wrong with everybody else there? You're telling me that NO ONE there had a problem with this 'training method'?

Pardon my language, but what the fuck is wrong with you?! This is *YOUR* horse. The one you promised to protect and care for when you got it. The one you care enough about to take to a clinic to improve on your issues with. This horse belongs to you in multiple ways. This woman has no business interacting with the horse this way, so why not step in and say: "Excuse me, but this is my horse and I do not approve of the way you're treating him. Please find a different means of working with him immediately or return the him to me." That is seriously as nice as I could put that.

I am not that nice. If somebody hit my horse, my Sam, do you know how fast I'd be in their business and standing between them and my horse? I'm not sure there's actually measure of time for that to be honest. He is MY horse, not yours. You WILL treat him in the way I allow. Especially if he isn't being dangerous or aggressive. (If they're actually being aggressive I have no problem giving them a wump with the rope because that is not okay.) Otherwise there is no discussion. This is not open for debate. You can tell me different ways of doing things, but you are not allowed to touch him in this way. I will not be ignored in this.

I've said before that I am generally a non-confrontational person and it's true. Except when it comes to my horses. Why? Because if I don't stand up for them, who will? I'm not going to sit there and think "oh this is awful, I'm so sorry horsey!" and do nothing. I'm going to jump my  behind in there and do something about it.

I guess I didn't always used to be this way... or not as much. But an interaction with a vet from hell changed my mind forever. Long story short, the mare I ended up spending 2 years rehabilitating (yes, she was that bad), colicked. Badly. So I called the vet. We'd been walking her around but she'd occasionally lay down for a few minutes, we wouldn't let her roll obviously but it seemed easier for her to catch her breath. Then I'd ask her and she'd struggle and stand up again because I asked. Well Mr. Vet from hell (the only one open in the area- I already disliked him because of how he handled Sam when he had an eye infection) came out, saw her on the ground and immediately kicked her twice in the stomach. Hard. No warning, no 'can we get her up?' I had lots of help with me as well.

Well it got the mare up, and I was honestly too shocked to do anything. Plus I was panicking and knew he was the only vet.  But honestly, he could have done serious damage to her organs and stomach. Plus she was in pain and that was uncalled for. Then he berated me for talking to her because it was 'childish and dumb' not to mention 'useless'.

Then he shoved a rectal thermometer in, with no lubrication or warning to me or the horse. Unsurprisingly she gave a warning kick. Did I mention this was a horse who came with a kicking problem? And a serious fear of men (she was beat with 2x4's).  It hadn't been a problem in quite some time but I still warned him about it in advance. I'm just sad she didn't get him...  She was fine besides that.

Well then he did some more stuff and waited to see if the pain meds kicked in.

Well then he wanted to treat her with a twitch. I refused and said it was unnecessary and that I could help do the next thing because she trusted me. Sorry but I personally don't think twitches are usually humane (at least not in my experience. I'm sure it can be in the right hands) and I knew this asshole sure wouldn't be.  He tried to ignore me and go to his car, I put my foot down. I'd finally had enough. So I said no again. I also might have said: "So help me god, if you try and put that twitch on my horse and undo all my work, I will take it and put it somewhere VERY unpleasant on your body."

He didn't care for that, to say the least. So he started huffing and turned red in the face and yelled at me. So I told him, in no uncertain terms, to get the hell off my property. His assistance was no longer needed.

We kept treating her and watching her throughout the night. Long and tiring story short, she recovered quite well the next morning and we found a different vet that we adore and who is excellent with all of my horses.

But that was my last straw when it came to people handling my horses in a way I deemed unacceptable. And I have never gone back. If you come out and 'cowboy' one of my horses on a test ride, I will tell you that it's time to get off and that this is not the horse for you. Now please leave. I state this in the ad. I may not be a terribly confrontational person, but that doesn't mean I'm a total push over either.

I'll tell you another story, one that I think explains why people allow their horses to be treated like this, by people that the owners think are more experienced with them. More experienced does not necessarily mean that what they know is a good thing.

So I sold a horse to a first time owner. (I've blogged about her before actually. She's also the one that later purchased River- River is not the horse in this story.) She kept the horse at a stable run by some local reining and western event trainers. It was a nice looking and reputable stable and I figured things would be good. Well a couple of weeks in I get a distraught call from her begging me to come out and help her. So I did.

Turns out the 'help' they gave her wasn't very helpful. They worked her in the round pen and continuously hit her with the rope and a whip. She said she'd never seen them do that with a horse before. This wasn't a hard horse to work with and it sure wasn't an aggressive one. Well they also had made it so that now the mare wouldn't go by the round pen with a 50 foot pole. Or the barn; especially not the wash area.

I was pissed off because, dammit, I work hard on these horses. She was incredibly upset because she didn't think that was okay but she knew they were the professionals and thought they probably knew better than her. I told her that it was HER horse and HER money that she was paying them to work with the horse and if she didn't like their methods they could find new ones or she could find new trainers. If you don't like the way they're working with or caring for your horse, you are 100% free to find a new trainer.

She'd never been told that before. (She'd also never been told that riding and horse ownership get easier with time and experience...Can you imagine if riding always stayed as hard as when you started!? Yikes!) Your horse is like your kid; they can't always stand up for themselves when something is wrong so you, as the responsible adult, have to do it for them.

Anyway, we worked out the problems and I showed her a few other ways to achieve the results- no beatings needed.  I don't think she ever asked them for help working with her again though and they purchased a house with acreage and moved a little while later.

So my point is, people all over need to quit being goddamn push overs and stand up for their damn horses if they don't like something. You took on this responsibility now (wo)man up!

Yes, this is absolutely a pet peeve of mine.

See, now this is why I can't ever have kids. Well, besides the fact that I don't particularly want or enjoy being around kids.  I would be the most fiercely protective mother ever. To an unhealthy degree probably because I know that I'd probably like my own spawn, err, kids.

Advice and opinions please!

Hello lovely beautiful readers, I have a question for you.

I've gotten in to everywhere besides Ireland (who were busy and going to get back to me this week, but now I'm not sure if it's the place I want.)
Now it sounds like a good place to learn and improve on horsemanship things, but so does Spain (super excited to work with paso's again), France (This one is a definite riding improver and I think I'd like to spend more time here. Had a lovely chat with her the other day on skype. Apparently when I'll be there so will a German girl who's an experienced rider so I might actually have a riding buddy for once!) and Italy (which looks gorgeous). So good learning opportunities from all of those, but I'm abroad and I'd also like to have a 'fun' place.

Not that the others won't be, but I'd like to do a trekking type thing. What can I say, I kind of miss trail guiding. I think with a different boss and a better trained horses (he considered spending $400 on a horse to be too expensive. He liked to spend about $150 on them. At the auction. And they had to be 'flashy'.)  it would be fun. So I think I may have found a different place in Ireland that does trekking more than training. It's just all getting a bit confusing.
I just kind of think I'd like a break among all that learning.  So I'd love your input on what you think I should pick. Mainly on the first two options but also on the other if you have the time.

Here's the new place's description:

About: "We live in a highly scenic and cultural part of Ireland. There is a blue flag 3 mile beach on our door step offering all kinds of outdoor pursuits. We need help firstly with our ponies so someone with horse riding experience. A very big welcome for helpers who enjoy handling and training ponies. And helping on the farm. We do not expect all Work Awayers to have all of these skills! But helpers must enjoy variety of tasks and be willing to try different jobs as and when they arise on the farm. We have good accommodation & food & are looking for work awayers with some experience, good attitude, good humoured and good workers to come and stay with us for a short time or a few months at a time. Email me if you are interested in coming to us & helping us on the farm. Looking foward to hearing from you.

Help needed: In Spring and Summer we also have a lot of sheep grazing on the hills and grassy plains..we need help with the lambing and later on in July we have a lot of shearing to do. Over the winter months we need help at our yard where we over winter ponies and foals. Need help working the foals and quiet connemara ponies. 2014 Please, looking for someone with genuine practical experience with young horses/ponies.

We also have a stables where in Summer we offer horseriding and Trekking. We grow some vegetables & have flower garden & borders. We hope to plant trees & hedges on the farm this summer. We also have a bog where we save turf/peat. There will also be times when general maintenance is called for. We can tailor make the work to match the skills and interests of the workaways. If there is anything here that you can help with please get in touch. All help really appreciated. Take your pick."

Gorgeous pictures (link: http://www.workaway.info/15188181314d-en.html)

And here's the place I originally applied: 

About: "We are an Equestrian and Horse training Center located in Beautiful West Cork, Ireland. Lessons as well as Therapeutic riding are taught Professionally by a BHS approved instructor. located ten minutes from the beach and right next to beautiful treks. PREVIOUS HORSE EXPERIENCE ESSENTIAL and willingness to work and learn new things ( gentle ways to bulid up trust and communicate with horses, in particular using the work and methods of Buck Brannaman join ups etc), equine related/horse management/handling/mucking out,etc. 

Please be aware that if you want to come and work at our center there are usually quite a few other people wanting to come around the same time, so preference will be given to people who are genuinely interested in improving horsemanship. 

Please be very aware that this type of work can be very physically demanding, so a genuine love of horses is also essential ! Please read this carefully, A GENUINE LOVE OF HORSES IS ESSENTIAL ...... and also be prepared to be outside in all types of weather . The work day is often split into two halves a couple of hours in the morning and again in the afternoon/ evening. This type of work can be very variable, horses needs and the overall running of the center can change so please be prepared to be flexible. The people who have really enjoyed their stay are the ones who really love the horses and have a real interest in improving their riding / horsemanship. I make sure that you have ample opportunity to ride and do interesting work with the horses if i can see a genuine interest, however if you are really only interested in travelling and improving your English then this might not suit. The type of work is ..... work with horses which involves, mucking out, grooming, watering, feeding, leading horses, tacking up, riding especially if you enjoy riding and are competent etc etc. The horses are ridden most days, there are usually one or two young horses that I work with and lessons (1 or 2) in the evening. I like to make sure as well as working there is also ample time for exploring and also RESTING, If you are hard working and flexible then you will have a lot of free time too.....Do not feel that you have to be extremely experienced, a good attitude is the most important requirement and an ability to learn. It can be great fun and really rewarding, Please get in touch if you want to improve your horsemanship...I look forward to hearing from you" 

Help needed: "Five stables which need to be mucked out every single day, Taking care of the yard (sweeping the yard, etc) and putting the horses out on fields and bringing them into the stables in the evening. Helping with lessons, grooming, feeding / watering. Riding (if competent,) ground work etc. Helping with lessons (NOT TEACHING I do all the teaching but leading ponies helping children to mount etc )"

Link: http://www.workaway.info/648929565825-en.html

So, what do you think? Do I take the lots of hard work and mucking and horsemanship option or the horse trekking and more laid back sounding option? 

Those are 2 of my options.

There's also this one:

About: We are a horse riding centre in County Clare on the West Coast of Ireland. We offer horse treks with views of the Cliffs of Moher, Aran Islands, Connemara and the Burren. We also train young horses.

Help: Experienced horse rider wanted to guide horse treks and work with young horses at a riding centre in County Clare on the West Coast of Ireland. 

Must have excellent English.

Position available now through October."

Link: http://www.workaway.info/735792448258-en.html

Bit short. 

I'm kind of leaning towards the new place to be honest. I was also checking out Scotland, which sounded awesome, but they only take help during the times I can't do it. So boo. 

Guess what?

I finally sent off my letters to places abroad yesterday!

And guess what else? I've already gotten Three replies back! One saying they're very busy over the weekend and will get back to me on monday but thanking me for applying (very understandable) one other was from the one I was least sure about getting into. They said yes! And the other was from the place in Spain that has Paso finos. So if nothing else, (although I have somewhere around 45 backup options pinned)  I'm going to France and Spain!

France has a riding stable and club, and did I mention they have Lusitano's? You know, that breed that just so happens to be one of my top favorites? (Much like the lovely paso's- okay, let's face it, I'm a spanish horse type of 'gal.)

This stunning breed? 

Here are some pictures of the nearest towns for the place in France:

This is the 'general area' these towns are located in. 

I'm drooling already. 

Anyway, I'm crazy excited! 

Apparently people who are willing and able to work with difficult horses and do muck work in exchange for food/board are in high demand, which is not terribly surprising. In fact both places have already asked how long I can stay for. I'm skyping with them this week to make sure we're all compatible. 

Now the really annoying thing is the goddamn schengen agreement. (You can enter any of the European countries (except for the UK and Ireland) with the Schengen visa (or if you're from the US) for a total of 90 days within a 180 day period.) Which is absolutely amazing if you only want to stay for 90 days. but if you want to stay beyond that... Too dang bad! There is no long term tourist visa or working holiday visa that applies for all the countries and not just one. 

Which is a problem because I want to spend a month in Spain, France and Italy (Ireland counts separately thank god) so that takes up my full time. Which sucks because I want the option of staying longer or returning to a place that I really click with. Aaannd because I'm considering Denmark. Because riding Icelandic horses and paso finos on the beaches while taking out horse treks would be just awesome. And because I want a break from all the learning/serious stuff.

So my current options are... well limited, whatever happened to stories of people backpacking through Europe for a year? Filthy liessssss. So right now I'm thinking I might have to apply for a long stay visa in a country or two just for the option. Also because then it wouldn't apply to my 90 days... I think. The internet is very confusing on this point. 

But really Europe, why the heck don't you have a long stay tourist visa?  

*Sigh*

Anyway, I'm thinking I'm going to take up walking when I'm there. I'd love to take up jogging but my heart thing makes it difficult. I have a very rapid and irregular heart rate. My resting rate is about 100-115. Walking it's at least 135. Which is not helped by the fact that I am also not in awesome cardiac shape. I loved running when I was younger. I think I would again if I didn't feel like my heart was going to explode. 

So, walking and other forms of exercise might have to do. I'd take up biking if I had a way to take the bike with me to all the places. In related news, Squats! Squats for everybody!  I'm doing a 30 squat challenge (Today I did 120) I can also do several 1 minute planks now! (This is exciting for me, shut up.) 

Why am I doing a squat challenge you ask (in my mind  at least)? Because like I said, I decided to live in riding breeches and because I'm going to end up posting a lot abroad. Or sitting a trot, and all of these things will be more helpful with totally rockin' leg and butt muscles.