All I want for christmas is...

Well I'm in Miami on a tablet so you'll have to forgive the errors and short post. It's annoying for writing since its meant for reading.  Anyway, it's the time for giving and sometimes giving to yourself.   I think what you buy or ask for says something as you get older.  I, for example, was very excited about receiving a soniccare toothbrush. I would not have been a few years ago. I guess I'm getting older because my presents to myself included a new safety improved helmet to replace my old one of about 10 years. .....and an inexpensive makeup brush set, but we aren't talking about that.  Now I'm drooling over safety vests. Perhaps a birthday present for myself..... hmm. Anyway what things, selfless or not, do you want for the holidays  for you or your horse? 

Liminal stage life choices... and horse jobs abroad?

I think life has sufficiently quieted down after college so that now i'm starting to get the urge to do something awesome while I still can. I'm young, unmarried with no kids (and no plans ever) and as a bonus I have no student loans or debts to pay off. Now's the time I should be off doing awesome things. My boyfriend is going to grad school in England (he just got to perform Macbeth at the Globe) and I'm... sitting here in Arkansas working horses. Which I like, but..... I'm wanting to go do something crazy and amazing.

 A couple of years ago I got to go spend a little under two weeks in south India. It was my first experience outside of America (not counting Canada) and it was amazing,
although the horses... not so much. I saw a lot of skinny runty ponies- but I did see a Marwari horse.

It looked just like this one. No one else was as excited as me though.  The ears really are that pointy.

We got to 'volunteer' while we stayed in a bio-reserve.  I helped plant fruit trees for local farmers and build a dam. In reality the locals could do it much better and faster so it's more like they let us pretend to help. We got to take over an elementary school for a day and play with the kids. We also got to spend a few days and an elephant and animal sanctuary. I rode an elephant. It was terrifying. It got mad at the handler (which is fair because he hit it when it wouldn't stand still, and it totally went up on it's hind feet and trumpeted) and I realized  I don't like being on big animals without being in control!

I made a friend with an elephant I named one tusk. I was talking to him and petting him like a horse.

Also apparently elephants love watermelon. 

The sweetest tiny lady I ever met. All she wanted was to take a picture with me and then she gave me a hug! Still, you just don't run into lots of people like this in America. Language barrier didn't matter, personal introductions didn't matter and there was no awkwardness. 

All of those bags we filled with dirt and rocks that we dug up. All the Americans are dirty and sweaty and all the locals are still pristine in their nice button shirts and jeans. Don't know how they did it.

 Bathing elephants in the river was pretty sweet... although the floating elephant dung was less so. 

I also realized that monkeys are evil. A few of them threw coconuts through our roof so they could sneak in, grab our snack food, and then leave. Then they pelted us with the food they decided they didn't care for. 

Anyway, I got in car accident a few months back- someone hit me. My car had a moderate damage but his was totaled. Anyway, yesterday we got a  call from insurance saying something about me receiving money for injury, suffering and inconvenience (Hell yes on that part. This made me realize why people get mad at accidents, I never understood it before. This has been a non stop pain in the butt!)  So apparently I'm getting some money- although I'm not holding my breath until it happens. But even without out that money, I've been saving up and once I sell Blue and Moose I should have a pretty decent nest egg. It's nice not having college steal all my money.

So now I've been looking for cool places to work at- at first in the US and then abroad. In the US I think I'd like to work on a ranch or as a trail guide somewhere gorgeous. I'm thinking Montana or Colorado. I've been to both and would love to go back.

 There are also two trainers I'd love to apprentice with. Unfortunately neither takes on apprentices, also one is based in France and I was a dumbass and took Latin instead of French. Mark Rashid is based in Colorado, and Frederic Pignon is somewhere in France.

And the fact that he has gorgeous horses is only part of why I want to study with him. The other part is the amazing results he gets with no pain, no intimidation, and no gimmicks. 

I really enjoy his books- and his dvd series Finding the Try. You should check him out if you're interested in some common sense horsemanship told in amusing stories. 

So short of camping out on their respective door steps (and yes I have totally considered it.) I'm looking for something awesome. If I do get the insurance money, I'd also love to go work or volunteer abroad. I've found cool safari and trekking options in South Africa, Australia and New Zealand. Those would be awesome, so would Ireland and Spain.

 I admit I want this little place in Andalusia- in a scenic location, a small farm that also runs a trail riding operation. I don't think they're charging to volunteer and I'm even fine with not getting paid if they cover room and board. This is the link: http://www.workaway.info/5318335744bd-en.html
They want someone to be a trail guide and who doesn't mind working with difficult horses in a gentle way.

Tell me that's not gorgeous.  

The biggest thing would be keeping me from buying a Andalusian while I was there. Although if I could lease one..... Yeah, okay I know me. I would totally buy a horse and want to bring it back with me. Which is very expensive.  

The South Africa ones sound awesome, although they do charge for volunteering to fund their places. One of them involves trail riding on safari and helping with their wildlife conservation. It includes looking for poachers (yikes!) since they work a lot with rhinos. I did find one that is looking  for workers and doesn't seem to charge...

Anyway, now that I've rambled enough, what do you guys think? Where would be awesome to go? What places offer jobs for people abroad that don't cost an arm and a leg? Where would YOU love to go if you had the chance and nothing tying you down? And if you feel like it, why? 

Never catcall a horse girl

So I haven't been able to think up anything to write about for a while, as illustrated by the lack of posts, so if you think of something let me know. In the mean time you're going to be subjected to a mini rant on sexism and catcalling because I just read a hilarious post. I promise I'll try to stick to the horse related incidents.

I was reading this, and if you want a laugh you should too:  http://groupthink.jezebel.com/great-comebacks-to-sexist-comments-1478737819/@burtreynoldsismyspiritguide1?utm_campaign=socialflow_jezebel_facebook&utm_source=jezebel_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

But while you shouldn't catcall a women ever, you really shouldn't catcall a horse girl. We don't take shit from thousand pound animals and we sure aren't going to take it from you!

I was once out hitting the trails with a friend when we decided to go down by the lake to let the horse drink. I'd been there many, many times and never had an issue. Until that day. On that particular day there was a guy there with some beers, alone, practicing sword fighting. I kid you not, he had a freaking sword. Naturally I wanted the hell out of there but it was too late. He'd spotted us and asked if he could pet the horses. I'm much less trusting than my friend but he was already walking towards us. If it hadn't been for the sword it wouldn't have been a huge deal, but that was just weird. So I made my snorty, very energetic horse start dancing in place and even got her to half rear a little when he came too close for my comfort.(I'd been teaching her some tricks) So I just yelled:"Sorry but my horse really doesn't like men, you should probably stay back!" All while pretending to barely be able to control my horse while actually cuing her.

Basically this. (It was when I was considering joining a jousting troupe- I thought she'd be perfect)

His eyes went wide and he backed right up muttering about dangerous horses and he told me something like I should be careful on that beast. I just assured him I'd try and we rode off, my horse snorting and prancing all the way until we were out of sight. (She was an extremely proud horse). 

Another time at the same trail riding spot, I got cat called while riding my Friesian cross- "what's a pretty little thing like you doin' out here on that big 'ol horse?" 

My response as I rode away: "Looking like a badass." 

In reality she was the most laid back, 'anyone can ride' horse ever, but she sure *looked* impressive

Back when I was still working as a trail guide I took out a group of rowdy guys. They were a pretty good ride, a little too 'yee haw!' for their riding abilities, but they were good natured and joking around for the whole hour. At least until we got back to base. 

When I asked if they had fun on their ride they said: "Yeah! We sure enjoyed watching you bounce around for an hour!" 

(Note: I am a, uh, very well endowed woman and have been since I was about 15.)

Me: "Me bouncing around? (They'd been flopping like dead fish and had asked how I stayed so still in the saddle so I found this doubly insulting. Although I admit, parts of me do bounce no matter what I do...) *Glare* Excuse me?"

My boss was just standing there shaking his head like he wanted no part of where this was going.

Apparently the group of guys though my death glare was joking, it wasn't, because the next thing I know they're holding up a twenty. 

Guys: "I'll give you a twenty if you dump that bucket of water over your head! (This was the first and last time I ever wore a white shirt to work...It wasn't even remotely tight either!) 

Me *taking the money- and watching their faces light up in disbelief*: "Yeah, I think you're going to give me that, now, so I don't hog tie you and drag you behind my horse for making inappropriate comments." 

They looked at my boss like they couldn't believe I could say and do that to a customer and he just looked at them, laughed and said: "I think you boys should probably just give her that and get in your car before you make her any more annoyed..." 

Unfortunately for them I was a whole lot more valuable to the business than their patronage was so I was never worried about being fired. After all, who else would clean up the horse area, take care of wounds, and train the new horses without actually being paid for it?  (Trail guides get paid per ride, not per hour or per customer, per ride. If they're lucky, they get a set amount for catching, grooming and tacking up the horses.)l

My boss was shocked when I started mucking out the standing area. Apparently no one else had ever done that before. I just pointed out how bad it was for the horses to stand in manure all day and there was no reason they should be uncomfortable just because I didn't get paid to do it.  

When I started there I was told the grandson of the man who owned the property we leased would probably try to harass me. He did the last girl they hired. He parked his four wheeler in a narrow spot on the trail, blocking her and her ride. She just stopped and glared at him until he finally moved away. He didn't bother her as much after that.

I was not that nice. The first time he came around, I was un-tacking the horses and getting ready to lead them back to the pasture- a decent walk. He came around swaggering and yapping his mouth. Since I was working it wasn't appreciated. I told him if he was going to be standing around I was going to put him to work. He replied with a variation of 'yeah right'. So I marched right up to him and told him that he had better get off the damn property now, and not come back, or he'd better make himself useful. That combined with my glare was enough to make him take two horses down to pasture for me. 

I'd like to say that he left me alone after that but he didn't. The worst time was when I had a ride with little kids and he and had friends thought it would hilarious to shoot bottle rockets at me and my ride. I didn't find that so hilarious. I calmly turned and asked an adult to please dismount and hold the front horse because I had to go talk to them. Then I turned my horse around and barreled after the little brats (the look on their face was priceless) when I got up to them, I told them if they ever tried anything like that again, they would deeply regret it. I think I probably threatened their 'masculinity' or something... The head kid said I couldn't tell him what to do since it was his grandfathers property.

 I grinned down at him and said: "Yep. Your grandfathers, not yours. Which reminds me, when I get back in a half hour I'm going to find him and have a little chat about your behavior."

Then came the pale faces and pleading for me not to do that. Which just made me grin more as I turned and trotted after my ride. 

After that incident, and after the talking to his grandpa gave him, he avoiding me as much as possible which was just fine by me.

Not catcalling, but equally annoying to me are people that honk their horns if you're riding by the street. I hate it. I see your car, I'll wave to you, but if you honk at me and spook my horse I'm going to flip you off.

I get it, riders are a novel sight in some places, and you want to wave to me or something. That's cool, but I could be riding a horse that doesn't like cars or is scared of the horn for all they know.  I know flipping them off isn't very nice but it happened so often it drove me nuts. Also a good half the people would intentionally try and spook my horse. Assholes. 

(When I lived in Indiana the only places to ride were corn fields, soybean fields, and the big ditches along the roads. Since everything was flat it was actually pretty nice. Plenty of room away from the road. Where I live now riding anywhere near the road is nerve racking since no one will slow down and hardly anyone gives you room. Which is why I don't ride near the roads here.) 

But the thing I hate the very most is getting harassed at the auctions. 

Here are some of the top moments:

Creepy, fat, older guy: "Hey sugar, why don't you come sit by me?"

Me: *Glare*

CFOG: "Aw, come on now don't be like that. I tell you what, you come sit by me and I might just buy you a pony!" (I swear to God, these were his exact words.) 

This was too much for me and I finally turned to him and said: "Look, if I want a horse, I will buy it myself, with my money- which I probably have more of than you do by the looks of you. In addition, I doubt your equine picking assessment is up to par with mine, so no, you cannot buy me a 'pony'. Finally, would you please shut the hell up so I can watch the damn auction?!" 

Another great time was when I was at the conway sale on the catwalk- the only way to view the horses- and I had just come from class since the sale was at a stupid time- noon on tuesdays. So I was in my 'nice people clothes'. I was clearly examining the horses when a couple guys came up to me and insultingly asked if I was lost or something. Clearly insinuating that they thought I should be shopping or something. 

So I put on my most confused expression and my best 'dumb blonde voice' and replied: "Oh my God! You mean this isn't the mall?! But I was looking for the shoe sale- while looking over the horses, at the auction, on sale day.... " 

Then I snickered, rolled my eyes and went back to examining the horses. 

When I do buy a horse I almost always run into a group of young guys who think they're gods gift to cowboys and horses- even if they clearly have no idea how to ride besides pulling and kicking and spurring. One guy even admitted his idea of breaking a horse consisted of riding them until they stopped bucking. He looked intrigued when I told him my way was to avoid the bucking in the first place by proper training and getting them used to things. 

Random guy: "So did you buy a horse today or are you just looking?"

Me: "Actually I bought that one *points* and I'm looking her over now..."

Guy: "Well, I can break her for you if you want."

Me: "Actually I train them."

Guy: "Really?!" 

Me: "Yes. That's what I do."

Guy: "Well if you need someone to break her, you just let me know!"

Me: "I think she's been 'broken' though already thanks."

I don't think he got it.

Which is why the next time this happened- with one of the obnoxious kids who 'ride' the horses through the arena did the same thing I got a little sassier. 

Guy: Hey, I saw you bought a horse."

Me: "Yep."

Guy: *invading my personal bubble* "Well I can break him for you!"

Me: *backing away*  "I don't doubt that. You guys break them, I fix them." 

Thankfully, most of the older traders there and the regulars know me and know I'm not just there looking for a pretty pony with flashy colors to take home and snuggle. Since they figured that out they've helped keep some of  the idiots away.

Anyway, now that that's out of my system, what about you oh readers and lurkers? What experiences have to had with sexism and  rude suggestions?

I know most of you have heard the whole: "Oh so you ride? Yeah, you must like leather and whips huh?!" line before. 

Okay, one last story before  I sign off.

I was at the fair at an incense stand buying a vial of essential oils for burning- and  I found a leather scented one. It actually smelled just like nice clean leather! When I got up to the cashier he gave me a lewd look and said: "Leather huh? I bet I know why you want that..."

Me: *happily* "Mmhhmm! It smells just like a tack shop!" 

His expression fell pretty quick after that. 

Daily dose of *gross*

Taken from Tacky Tack of the Day facebook page- you should join to see all the disgusting tackiness in all its.... uh, glory.

My ass hurts just looking at this thing. OUCH!

Looks slippery

I see these, especially in pink, at nearly every auction. 

'murica

For the couch potatoes!

I feel like this would be bad to own in hunting season... 

Elvis saddle! 

Well, it looks like a squishier one than the other couch saddle

*dazzle dazzle* Edward Cullen Saddle? (yeah, I just made that reference, yeah I'm slightly ashamed)

Saddles now endorsed by pepto bismol 

For those who really wanted to ride a cow instead

Why was one not enough?!! 

....modern art saddle? 

eww. Just eww. 

So there's your daily dose of tacky. And sparkles. And possibly vomit.